In 2021, a bleak view of what the Amazon rainforest used to look like. In 1995, a quite lovely view of what the Amazon might look like. The scary part? You didn’t even choose this screensaver. The only light emanating from your (probably grey, bulky) Window PC are little gadgets from ‘The Golden Age’ floating across your screen. Picture this: you come back to your computer after making a warm cup of tea. The forest floorīugs! Honestly, this mostly just reminds me of that scene in The Lion King where a meerkat and a warthog convince an apex predator to eat bugs rather than them. Only slightly worse than watching an actual game of baseball, which is only slightly better than watching a game of cricket, which is much better than watching a game of social cricket, which is roughly as good as using Windows 95s through XP. Haunted house? This is barely a slightly disturbed house.
This is just Scooby Doo and/or Hardy Boys concept art, slightly animated. Do you know what default is French for? “Settles for less than nothing.” (I don’t speak French.) 16. Your photos should not be your screensaver! They’re dumb and distracting. This is technically a Windows XP screensaver, but XP probably counts as “classic” now (if we’re using radio’s definition of “classic”), so it’s here. (If you’re thinking of a logo bouncing around, you’re thinking of a DVD player.) 18.
It’s all the classic PC screensavers, ranked from worst to best. So right now, just for a few hundred words, let’s go back to a time when a screensaver was just about the most technically advanced thing you could do with a computer, alongside Minesweeper and “launch a nuclear warhead” (provided you have the codes). Unfortunately, the heyday of the screensaver is well and truly gone. It is, ladies and gentlemen, a screensaver. Rather than whatever you’ve named your computer showing up on your screen (mine is called Clarissa), popping up and then fading away, there’s a funky little animation. Eventually, you come back to your computer. Maybe you make some lunch, or you spend time looking at your smaller screen, as though the internet’s going to be any different there. Picture this: You step away from your computer for a few minutes. Don’t move that mouse! Hang around and relive the best of the classic screensavers, ranked from worst to best.
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